Healing Haru
Understanding Attachment Trauma
Abandonment and Unmet Needs
Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn’t mean you can, should, or need to do it alone
Not everyone has healthy and loving childhood. Even growing up in a healthy and functional family, one may have experienced traumatic experiences in their life. As children, family is their entire reality growing up. Children learn from their parents and learn from the immediate environment. In functional families, parents strive to create an environment in which everyone feels safe not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. Feeling safe, heard, loved, and cared for, with high levels of support and open communication helps children to learn how to navigate difficulties in life.
On the other hand, growing up in a dysfunctional family, unstable and unsafe environment, unexpected changes, lack of communication, abuse, neglect, abandonment, can leave children with emotional scars. During childhood, they form beliefs about themselves and others which then carry into their adulthood. Since children don’t have the ability to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy behaviors/thoughts/environment as they need the adult figures in their life for their survival at the time, they may hold on to their “norms” and what they are used to.
Especially when children are exposed to trauma, including emotionally and mentally injured, neglected, abused, and abandoned in childhood, those inner wounds stay with them, even as an adult.
Do you find yourself struggling with unmet needs from childhood?
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can have a significant impact on a child's development, leading to various challenges in adulthood. Here are some of the common experiences that children growing up in dysfunctional families often face as adults:
Difficulty in forming healthy relationships: Children from dysfunctional families may struggle to establish healthy relationships with others, as they may not have had positive role models for healthy communication, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution in their family.
Trust issues: Children who grew up in a family with neglect, abuse, or substance abuse may have difficulty trusting others or opening up emotionally, as they may have learned that the people closest to them cannot be trusted.
Low self-esteem: Children who were belittled, criticized, or neglected in their childhood may struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth, leading to challenges in asserting their needs and setting boundaries in their adult life.
Codependency: Children who grew up in a family where one or both parents struggled with addiction or mental health issues may develop codependent patterns in their adult relationships, feeling responsible for others' emotions and behavior.
Emotional dysregulation: Children who grew up in a family where emotions were suppressed or not addressed may struggle with emotional dysregulation in adulthood, leading to anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues.
Perfectionism: Children from dysfunctional families may internalize the message that they are not good enough, leading to perfectionism in adulthood and a constant need for external validation.
Difficulty with vulnerability: Children who grew up in families where emotions were seen as a weakness may have difficulty with vulnerability and emotional intimacy in their adult relationships.
It's important to note that not all children who grew up in dysfunctional families will experience these challenges, and there are various ways to heal from the trauma of childhood.
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Attachment trauma, abandonment, and unmet needs in childhood can have a significant impact on an individual's development and overall well-being. These experiences can create wounds that may linger into adulthood, leading to ongoing emotional distress and potentially affecting relationships, behaviors, and even physical health.
Attachment trauma is often defined as any experience that disrupts a child's ability to form secure attachments with their caregivers. This can include neglect, abuse, separation, or loss of a parent or caregiver. When a child is exposed to these types of experiences, they may struggle to develop a sense of safety and security, leading to difficulty forming healthy relationships and developing a sense of trust in others.
Abandonment refers to a situation where a child is left alone or rejected by a caregiver or loved one, leading to feelings of neglect and rejection. Similarly, unmet needs refer to any situation where a child's basic emotional, physical, or psychological needs are not met by their caregivers. This can include lack of attention, affection, or protection, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
When these experiences occur in childhood, they can lead to a range of emotional, behavioral, and psychological issues that can continue into adulthood. For example, individuals who experience attachment trauma may struggle with developing healthy relationships, as they may struggle to trust others or feel safe in intimate settings. Similarly, individuals who have experienced abandonment or unmet needs may struggle with feelings of worthlessness or have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to a range of mental health issues, including anxiety and depression.
Furthermore, unresolved or unhealed trauma can have a significant impact on physical health, as the body responds to stress and trauma through the activation of the sympathetic nervous system. This can lead to chronic stress and inflammation, increasing the risk of a range of health issues, including heart disease, diabetes, and autoimmune disorders.